Therapy for Gay, Bi & Queer Men
Surviving isn’t the same as feeling free.
You’ve figured out how to navigate a world that wasn’t built for you. Maybe you’ve put together a life that looks solid from the outside — work, relationships, the image you’re supposed to have.
But under the surface, it can feel like you’re always scanning, bracing, or wondering when it’s safe to actually be yourself.
For gay, bi, and queer men, survival often meant splitting yourself in two—the face you showed the world, and the parts you had to bury. You learned to laugh it off, to succeed louder, to stay invisible where it hurt most. But loneliness, shame, and silence don’t stay buried.
Therapy isn’t about fixing you—it’s about reclaiming the pieces you cut away, and living without apology.
Real therapy for queer men’s mental health
When hiding was your survival strategy—not your identity.
Therapy for gay, bi, and queer men isn’t just about processing the past. It’s about making space for the parts of you that had to go quiet just to get by — the parts that still scan the room, brace for judgment, or wonder if you’re too much, not enough, or just always outside the circle.
For some, that shows up as drinking more than you mean to. Or zoning out with sex, apps, weed, work — anything to take the edge off. Not because you’re reckless, but because sometimes it’s the only way it felt safe to exist.
Here is how your pain can show up in real life
The everyday ways you get hijacked
Shame that lingers, even if you’re out and proud
Dating fatigue or hookup burnout
Family dynamics that still sting
Overachievement as a shield
Numbing out with work, sex, substances, or perfectionism
Feeling like you’re performing in every space, even the queer ones
It’s not about being broken. It’s about how you’ve tried to distract yourself from the ache of loneliness, or fill it with something that tries to satisfy your deep yearning for belonging — but it never really does.
What we work on in therapy
Nothing’s more subversive than choosing yourself.
As a cis gay man myself, this isn’t theoretical. I know what it’s like to navigate a world that wants you to shrink, hide, or translate who you are. This is why my psychotherapy practice is explicitly affirming and grounded in real, lived experience. You don’t have to explain the basics. You don’t have to censor yourself.
We work on:
Making sense of your story without judgment
Untangling self-worth from achievement or approval
Exploring intimacy, identity, and desire with nuance
Healing the subtle and not-so-subtle ways you’ve been told you’re not enough
This is queer therapy for men that welcomes all of you — the ambitious parts, the tender parts, the scared parts, and the unapologetically queer parts.
What starts to shift
This is what ‘it gets better’ can actually looks like.
Clients often say they feel:
Less shame, more self-respect
Less proving, more belonging
A stronger connection to who they are when no one else is watching
Let’s talk
Because you’ve had enough of the bullshit
If you’re ready to stop performing and start healing, I’m here for that. This isn’t therapy that tolerates you — this is therapy that gets you.
I work with gay, bi, and queer men in San Jose, CA and online throughout California.
FAQ about gay, bi, queer men’s therapy
Do I have to come out more in therapy than I already do in real life?
Nope. You bring what you want. Therapy isn’t about “performing queer enough”—it’s about having one place where you don’t have to edit yourself.
What about talking about sex?
It’s up to you. Some guys want to dive right in, some don’t touch it for weeks. Either way, there’s no forced oversharing—just whatever feels relevant to you.
I’ve had therapists who didn’t get queer stuff. How are you different?
I’m queer too. This isn’t outsider observation—it’s lived culture. You don’t have to explain, translate, or tone anything down. We’re speaking the same language.
Can therapy actually help with my issues? Or is that just marketing?
It helps—when you actually do the work. Shame isn’t a life sentence, but it won’t dissolve by pretending it’s not there.
Reach out and let’s start the conversation.
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