How Do I Know If Therapy Is Working?
One of the most common questions people have (but rarely say out loud) is: “Is this actually helping me, or am I just forking over all my money to this therapist, talking in circles?”
It’s a fair question. Therapy progress doesn’t always look like a lightbulb moment or a Hollywood breakthrough. Sometimes, it’s quieter. It’s the subtle shift from feeling stuck and reactive to noticing what’s really happening inside — and realizing you have more choice than you thought.
What Real Progress Looks Like
Some signs therapy is actually working:
You catch yourself responding differently to things that used to set you off.
You’re more curious than critical about your own thoughts and feelings.
You don’t shove things down as much — you’re able to sit with what’s real without spiraling.
You notice you feel less trapped, less alone inside your own head.
You trust yourself a bit more — your boundaries, your needs, your gut sense.
Sometimes progress is obvious — like when you feel lighter or more at ease in places that used to feel tight. Other times, it shows up when you handle a familiar trigger in a new way and think, “Huh. That was different.”
When It Feels Slow (and That’s Still Working)
You might feel worse before you feel better — that’s normal. You’re digging into old patterns, naming things you’ve avoided, and trying new ways of being. That’s real work — and sometimes real work is uncomfortable.
Good therapy isn’t about the therapist (me) fixing you. It’s about the therapist (me) helping you fix yourself — by understanding how you work, so you’re not just fighting your own mind on autopilot. It’s about creating more choice, more space, and more connection to what you actually want — and, most importantly, holding you accountable to take the actions that make your wants and needs real.
Insight alone isn’t enough. It’s insight plus action. This is what I can offer you.
If you’re wondering whether therapy could really do that for you, you don’t have to figure that out alone.
Reach out here — let’s see if we’re a good fit, together.
Why Do I Seem ‘Fine’ on the Outside But Feel Like Sh*t on the Inside?
You’ve got your life together — or at least that’s how it looks. You’re responsible, thoughtful, maybe even the one other people lean on. You keep the job, the family, the day-to-day running. You’re “fine.”
But when you’re alone with your thoughts? There’s that quiet truth: “I feel like sh*t inside.” Restless. Numb. Overwhelmed. Like something’s off but you can’t quite name it — and you feel guilty for feeling that way at all.
Why “Fine” Isn’t Fine
A lot of high-functioning, self-aware adults get stuck here. You feel like you should be able to think your way out of it — push harder, fix it, move on. But anxiety, burnout, and old protective patterns don’t work that way. They don’t care how smart or capable you are — they just keep you circling the same thoughts.
These patterns made sense once:
Staying busy to avoid feelings that were too big to handle.
Pushing for perfection to feel worthy.
Putting everyone else first to feel needed.
Overthinking every choice to avoid the “wrong” move.
At some point, those strategies helped you survive. Now? They keep you stuck in your head, disconnected from your gut, and exhausted.
What Therapy Actually Does
Therapy isn’t about telling you what’s wrong with you. It’s about seeing what those old protective moves really are — survival strategies that just don’t fit your life anymore. Together, we slow down enough to notice what’s happening in your mind and body when that hum of stuckness shows up. We get curious instead of shutting it down.
When you do that, you create space to choose — instead of running on autopilot. You learn to trust your own signals again. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming more you — with less friction and more ease.
If you’re tired of looking “fine” and feeling like sh*t, you don’t have to do it alone.
Reach out here — let’s see what’s really under the surface and how to shift the sh*t away.
IFS, OCD, and You: A Different Way to See Obsessive Patterns
If you live with obsessive thoughts, you know how relentless they can be. And if you’ve tried to control or silence them, you probably know — that fight often makes them louder.
I want to share a perspective that’s been meaningful for me, both professionally and personally.
This isn’t the only way to look at OCD — but through my own lived experience and clinical work, it’s the model I’ve found most effective.
Here’s the idea:
OCD isn’t a “part” of you — it’s more like a hypersensitive threat-detection system baked into your neurobiology. It’s an alarm that gets stuck in the ON position, scanning for danger and spinning out intrusive thoughts to try to keep you safe.
The problem is, the alarm rarely matches reality. And instead of helping, your parts — the protective voices and impulses inside you — misinterpret these false alarms as emergencies. So they pile on with strategies: compulsions, avoidance, checking, self-criticism, all in the name of “keeping you safe.”
This is where IFS comes in.
IFS (Internal Family Systems, or parts work) helps you see these reactive parts with more compassion — not as bad habits to crush, but as overworked protectors responding to a faulty alarm.
When you build a new relationship with these parts:
You stop getting hijacked by shame or panic when the intrusive thoughts come.
Your protectors can soften and trust that you’re actually OK — even if the alarm is still beeping in the background.
You spend less energy fighting yourself and more energy living your life.
I share this model because it’s helped me and many of my clients move from fear and control to curiosity and choice.
It’s not magic — but it can feel like a relief when you realize you’re not “broken” or “crazy.” You’re just running an overprotective system that you can learn to work with.
If any of this resonates, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to untangle it by yourself.