Yes, I Give Advice Sometimes. No, I'm Not Going to Tell You What to Do.

Let’s get this out of the way: therapy isn’t just me staring at you silently while you spiral and wondering how that makes you feel. If that’s what you’re expecting, I get it. That image has been baked into pop culture for decades. But it’s not how I work—and honestly, it’s not how most therapy works.

People often come into therapy both craving and fearing advice. They say things like, “Just tell me what to do,” usually with a mix of desperation and sarcasm. And I get it. Life’s big decisions are messy, and it would be a relief to hand the wheel to someone else for a minute. But here’s the thing: even if I did tell you what to do, that wouldn’t be real help. It would just be outsourcing your uncertainty. And that never sticks.

Telling someone what to do is usually a failing strategy. It bypasses their own internal compass and undermines the process of genuine ownership. If the action doesn’t come from within, it rarely leads to lasting change. You don’t tap into your inner wisdom. You don’t build trust in your own decision-making. And frankly, people famously resist being told what to do—even when they think they want it. They either reject it outright or abandon it later, because it never truly felt like theirs.

That said, I’m not one of those therapists who withholds thoughts like a human Magic 8-Ball stuck on “Reply hazy, try again.” I’m collaborative, direct, and I’ll absolutely share my perspective. Sometimes I suggest a new way to frame something. Sometimes I point out a pattern you might not see. And yeah, sometimes I offer ideas for what you might try next.

But you’re still in the driver’s seat. My job is to help you hear yourself more clearly, not to drown out your instincts with mine. When you ask for advice, what you’re often really asking is: “Am I missing something?” or “Is this a terrible idea?” or “Can you help me trust myself more?” And to that, the answer is yes. That’s the work.

Good therapy isn’t about handing over your choices to someone with a clipboard. It’s about building the kind of clarity, resilience, and self-trust that makes those choices more manageable. Along the way, I’ll offer my thoughts when they’re useful, I’ll challenge you when it helps, and I’ll stay quiet when that’s what lets something deeper emerge.

So yes, I give advice sometimes. But no, I won’t tell you what to do. That’s not my job. My job is to help you figure out what you want to do—and to get better at actually doing it.

Curious what this kind of work could look like for you? Reach out and let’s see if we’re a good fit.